I hate Galaxy 6781. HATE it!
One last job. The bounty of a lifetime.
It wasn’t supposed to end with me on a slave planet and my entire crew dead. So, when the chance to escape presented itself, I took it. Had I known more about my fellow escapee, I might have reconsidered.
When Grantham, crowned prince of Ditali, tried giving me some schpiel about how the universe has chosen us to be together, as in together ‘together’, I shot that theory down stat. I mean, I’m not even into males.
Except…now he says he’s dying. Dying in the sense that because one handsome bounty hunter rejected our so-called ‘fating’, he’s literally wasting away before my eyes.
Sad, but what do I care? We’re strangers.
The debris field we’re approaching can kiss my backside, right along with my lack of flight skills because as much as I’m not into males, I’m not ready to die. They’d better throw me a parade when we get to his planet.
Galaxy 6781, I really, really, really hate you.
A satirical, scifi, MM erotica romance.
Estimated release date: 11/15/23
Will be available in wide distribution ebook (not on Kindle Unlimited)
Ebook preorder from Dianna here.
Paperbacks will only be available via my website.
Both a discreet & special cover will be available in paperback.
Preorders for paperbacks will be announced at a later date.
I will try to have them for the GRL Retreat I will be attending in October.
A few feet in front of me, the doors slide open. One glimpse of that green skin, his arm lazing on the arm rest of the captain’s chair, and my heart flutters. Why? Why does he have this weird effect on me?
Wait. What the hell is wrong with him? He’s not smiling for once.
“Cole….you have come,” he says, his breathing labored. Turning in his chair to face me, his other arm is pressed against his abdomen…er…well, kind of his groin. Was he waiting for me to show up so he could take a leak?
“I had hoped you would return so that we could converse,” he adds.
Did he just.... Where’s that translator he had? “Do you…you can speak Human?”
“I accessed the ship’s database and learned while you were refreshing yourself.” His eyes, crinkled at the corners like he’s in pain, light up upon perusing me. “You look stunning without your human facial hair.”
I have to give my brain a mental slap for preening. Why am I preening? We’re not talking about how obviously stunning I am.
“In four hours? You learned to speak Human in fourhours?”
“I am not yet finished, but I am adept at learning languages. The Ditali are taught many at a young age. Yours is quite simplistic.”
Aaand way to ruin the you-look-stunning compliment. Pompous ass.
“Yeah, it’s great. Even babies can speak it,” I throw out dismissively. “So, what’s there to converse about? Why do you look like you’re in pain? Did something on Hutakah make you sick or do you just need to go to the latrine?”
Glancing down at where his hand is pressed over the button of his fly, he looks back up at me. I swear his cheeks just went a shade rosy. Huh. Ditalis blush. Cool. I don’t know why, but having shit in common with him makes me feel less bristly.
“Yes, I am in some distress. This is what I had hoped to converse with you about, dearest Cole.”
Ah, fuck. Not that again.
“We, uh, don’t say ‘dearest’,” I cut in, holding my hand up in what I hope is the universal sign for stop-that-shit-right-now. “Not unless it’s like…like someone you’re really intimate with.”
He's smiling again. Why the fuck is he smiling?
Shit. He’s getting up. Can’t he just stay over there. Damn, he’s tall.
“Then I will hope to soon call you dearest.”
So, I speak Human. I understood that. Does he understand what he just said?
Snickering, I hook my thumbs in my pockets and take a casual step back. “No, man. I meant ‘intimate’ like as in…sexual relations.” He’s staring at me…confused.
Great. Sex-ed one-oh-one.
“Um, coitus, fornication, fucking, sexual intercourse, mating,” I rattle off.
“Plundering,” he supplies.
Coughing out a laugh, I rub the back of my neck. “Ye-ah…that’s one way of putting it, I guess.”
His little smile grows into a proud grin. “Then, yes, I hope to earn the right to call you ‘dearest’ soon, as my body is in dire need of plundering yours.”
He wants to…
I’m so stupidly slack-jawed by the ballsiest proposition I’ve ever received that I missed him hedging a step closer. What I don’t miss is the way his chest stars are glowing like crazy.
Gasping a happy little sound, he glances from them to me. Whoa! What’s with the tender look on his face?
“You see? It is you. I have finally found you. For seven long years I have searched the universe,” he adds on a disbelieving laugh, “and I ended up a prisoner on the same planet as my fated one. It is…ironic, I think you would say.”
“Yes. Your body called to mine from the moment I saw you, as only one’s fated one’s can. I was not certain at first, as I have hoped for my fating my entire life. I apologize for my caution at first. You see, I have had the urge to plunder others. And I have. I have plundered and plundered and plundered across many galaxies, searching earnestly for—"
“Yeah! I get it!” I cut him off, pinching my eyes shut to blot out the mental image. “You…plundered the fuck out of space. Get to the fated part. What exactly are you saying?”
“That the universe has finally connected us. This is why I am so overjoyed. I see and feel it without doubt now as you stand here before me. Never has my urge to plunder been this powerful to the point of excruciating pain. I had nearly given up hope, as none of the plundering I did ever resulted in a bond. I felt nothing but disappointment and emptiness afterward. But now, my sacred stars have awoken. They are only to shine when the universe places me in the presence of my one and only fated one. I had started to believe that maybe they would never shine, but you saw them in the cave, and now my yearning is in full force. It is you, Cole of the Humans. The universe has chosen you to be mine, and I have finally found you.”
I wait approximately thirty long seconds for him to tell me he’s fucking with me. He doesn’t.
Holy shit. He’s still smiling.
And he’s…still glowing. He’s serious.
“Uh…” My nervous laugh knocks my confidence at handling unusual situations down three pegs. “Well, that…is one interesting theory, but, um, I hate to break it to you—it’s not possible. Like at all. There is no way you and I are ‘fated’.”
Frowning, the elated light in his eyes dims and his stars…flicker. I swear they just flickered. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’s just an android with a circuit loose, rather than some misguided, lust-filled alien.
“You do not feel the pull of the fating? I swear I can smell your arousal. It is a captivatingly sweet scent that stirs my blood so—"
“Oh, for fuck’s sake! I just showered! It’s…that’s the shower you’re smelling. I’m clean. Okay? That’s all it is. There’s no…arousal smell. That’s…that’s not even a thing.”
At least not among humans. My nuts are killing me, and I might be in danger of popping a dick vein soon, but it sure as shit isn’t because of some dude who wants to plunder my ass.
Why is he…
Is he checking out my junk?
“But your scent is the most divine thing I have ever encountered, and your loins appear full beneath your garment. I see the indentation of their swelling. Are you sure that you feel nothing?” Those big green hands cup his own junk, and he produces a stifled little grunt as he continues, “Because I can assure you, I have never felt so full of need to plunder another being as what I have been feeling since I first saw you.”
If looks could kill or…turn someone off, that’s what I flash him with my glare. And I refuse to cover up my dick outline. That would make me look guilty, which is the last thing I am.
“Nope. Not a thing,” I insist, my nostrils flaring. “You’re clearly mistaken. I’m not even attracted to males. Never have been. I only have ever felt… ‘full of need’ for females.”
Sadder words have never been uttered. Why do I almost feel sorry for him? This is ridiculous. Big man has a crush. So what? He can put a cork in his ‘plunder’ and get over it.
“Yup.” I gesture, tossing up my hands as in what-can-you-do? That settles that.
“But I have met male humanoids who plunder each other and find it most enjoyable.”
“Yeah, I have too, but I ain’t one of them, so…looks like you read the universe wrong. I’m not your guy.”
His jaw hangs slack, stupefied. Good. Message received.
Man, that star thing is so weird. He’s flickering again like a dying lightbulb. Staggering back, he drops unsteadily into the captain’s chair.
Geez. You’d think I just broke his heart. I’ve met a lot of species with bizarre customs in my time, but his takes the cake.
‘Plundering’. Ha! What the fuck. Renwick would laugh his ass off at this. No fucking way am I telling him.
“I…I see,” he murmurs. “There is no changing your mind?”
The desperate hope in his eyes is the most surreal thing I’ve ever seen. He truly thought out of everyone in the universe, I was his…his…whatever? I mean, what are the odds?
Nobody wins that lottery. It’s all just attraction and convenience and who you feel like putting up with. ‘Fated’. Talk about fairytales.
“No,” I reply more delicately. I’m not a jerk, after all.
Man, ten points for that pitiful expression. Shit. Is he going to cry?
Okay, this is officially enough awkwardness for one day. Time to lock my ass in my cabin for the next eight hours where it’s safe from plundering and puppy dog eyes from big green males.
“Um…so, are you good here? Can you set a flight path now and go relax?”
“I…” he stammers, as though his mind is still on the hornball bomb he dropped. Shifting his dazed gaze to the console, he confirms, “Y-yes. I have already set our path. We are on a safe course now.”
“Great!” I enthuse with the clap of my hands, channeling the power of persuasion. If I can forget his crazy ass proposition, then so can he. “Well, I’m going to go hit the rack then. Goodnight.”
I can’t get to the doors fast enough. I’d bet ten thousand crypto that he’s watching me. I can feel it. My body seems strangely in tune with him like I’m more aware of his presence than I’ve ever been aware of anything in my life.
Maybe there’s a weird emission leak on this vessel that’s affecting us. Something has to account for my massive dick imprint spearing my fly and his big you’re-my-person speech.
But his stars glowed on Hutakah and I felt fucked up even before we got on this ship. It must have been something on Hutakah then that’s screwing with us.
Those damn planet rats. That’s it! It has to be. I knew eating rats was going to catch up with me. They must carry some toxin that messes with your dopamine levels. I bet that’s it.
“Rest well, Cole.”
His deep voice sends little shivers down my spine, right to my nuts. Ah! Damn it, they’re sore. I need to get off so badly.
Okay, now I do feel sorry for him. If his nuts are hurting even half as bad as mine and he’s into males, no wonder he chanced seeing if I was down with some…plundering.
“Uh, you too. I’m sure you’ll feel better after some sleep. We both probably need some after what we went through.”
He nods, although his expression says he’s anything but certain. Not my problem. Me, my hand, and my super confused, rat horny-toxin infested dick are headed to my big ass bed where I can get some peace and forget about this nightmare.
I mean, holy shit. It can’t get any weirder than this. Right?
Well, how did you think it was going to end? :)