All I wanted was to throw a little bag of dog poop at my ex's door to release my divorce demons. Is that too much to ask? Just my luck Deputy Hillbilly Upchuck Duke catches me in the act. That creep's been on me like germs on a buffet since we were kids. I have a bar to run, a beer garden to build, and moron cousins and patrons to wrangle. I don't have time to be stalked by this idiot. If he thinks showing back up in Grand Valley with a star on his inbred chest, sans mullet, will make me forget the hell he put me through, he's dumber than he was when he left Illinois.
Poppy Prince hates my guts. Always has. It's cute she thinks those nicknames bother me, almost as cute as how clueless she still is about her sex appeal. It takes a special kind of man to put up with her crap. I'm going to show her once and for all that no one's as special as me.
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